The unfairness of Special

It's not fair! Nothing is fair when you are young. Adults seemingly dictating all the rules, usually while contradicting them with their own behaviour. When a special needs child has siblings there is an extra twist to this.

If Tokoroth's brothers go to the fridge and take out the juice without asking they get told off. If Tokoroth does the same he gets congratulated for making himself a drink.

If Little M asks for something and get's refused and throws a tantrum he gets punished. If Tokoroth gets refused and throws a tantrum he's quite likely to get what he asked for. I'd never give into a tantrum of his brother's but meltdowns from children with specialness are, well, special. They are likely to end with him biting himself or banging his head on the table (and we never have plasters and our kitchen worktops cost a lot of money).

Joking aside, for the sibling of Tokoroth, it's just not fair. What they get told off for, he gets congratulated for, and throwing a tantrum is likely to get them nothing, but him something.

There is however another side to this unfairness. Blame culture. Today I noticed damage, well, ok, very minor damage, to our kitchen cupboards. It was very new and very annoying. We saved for years for those cupboards so I duly lined up the suspects (having eliminated the cat from my enquiries).

Me: Did you do it?
Child 1: Nuh-uh.

Me: Did you do it?

Child 2: Nope.

Me: Did you do it?

Child 3: I want pizza!

(you might be able to guess which one was Tokoroth)

Me: So....WHO did do it?

All eyes turn to the child who can't defend himself. What the siblings have figured out is that Tokoroth can't answer the charge put to him, he can't even look shifty and awkward, he simply doesn't understand the question. Instant get out clause. Tokoroth did it. Every time. And I still don't know who damaged the kitchen cabinet.

It's just not fair!

Interesting comment

Interesting comment on the Fragile X post.

"An interesting observation that comes of comparing notes with other parents is that most professionals have preferred opinions that they tend to apply to most of the kids that they see. One person gives out PDD-NOS diagnoses, another gives out Asperger's. One person sees anger issues, another sees ADHD. In some ways, the professionals are easier to classify than the kids."

I completely get where this is coming from and I'm curious to se if other people have had this experience too.