Not my own you understand, but I've just had a tricky situation in the playground at school.
I'm very fortunate in that I can take my children to school most days. I know there are lots of mums who have to work so miss out on the "school run". Today I was stood chatting to a couple of the other mums, you know how it is: one eye on the conversation, one eye on the clock, one eye on my 6 year old, one eye on Tok. I was enjoying the opportunity of observing Tok in "his natural environment", he was stood with a group of children who ranged in age upto around 6. They seemed to be laughing and joking and generally enjoying themselves. But my Mummy radar was tingling (I should mention that I have special powers when it comes to sniffing out trouble) and decided a little wander to get closer to the group was in order.
I was more than a little annoyed when I heard one of the boys stage-whisper "Say the "s" word" just as another little boy ran past and said "Say pooh bum". *gutted* My little Tok thought this was a wonderful game, he loves people giving him attention and was obviously delighted to have so many children milling around him.
Suffice to say I VERY firmly told each boy "You DO NOT teach the little ones to say rude words" and stalked away. I then approached one of the Mum's to let her know what I had said to her son, and why. Sad to say that I waited with baited breath to see if she would be okay with me dealing with the situation in the way I had (I'm happy for my children to be told off in an appropriate way if they are being naughty but not everyone is) and was relieved when she said it wasn't a problem and that she'd have a word with him after school.
I'm calm.
I realise that early years of school come with their share of "rude" words being heard (as a Mum of 3 I'm hardly a novice). But what's heartbreaking about this situation is the very fine line that is being trod between "children playing with Tok" and "children showing malintent towards Tok".
How do I explain subtle difference between "larking around with friends" and "inappropriate play"? I think I would struggle to explain this to an average 5 year old let alone our little chap....
-- Mum of Tok
Wednesday 25 May 2011
Friday 15 April 2011
Problems with water? What? Me? I think not!
The beauty of parenting any child (with or without ASD) is their unwavering ability to prove you wrong. Do they get taken aside at school and given "How to make Mummy/Daddy look like they don't know anything" classes?
We've gone from a screeching child in the pool on Monday, to a little boy merrily splashing around up to his neck - fetching pool toys, laughing, smiling and generally having high jinks - on Friday.
What a difference a week (and some one on one attention) makes.
Not only have we just come back from a truly fun swimming session, he also spent about an hour in the showers afterward (see previous post to understand the full gravity of that statement).
*gobsmacked and delighted*
-- Mum of Tok
We've gone from a screeching child in the pool on Monday, to a little boy merrily splashing around up to his neck - fetching pool toys, laughing, smiling and generally having high jinks - on Friday.
What a difference a week (and some one on one attention) makes.
Not only have we just come back from a truly fun swimming session, he also spent about an hour in the showers afterward (see previous post to understand the full gravity of that statement).
*gobsmacked and delighted*
-- Mum of Tok
Thursday 14 April 2011
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming
Tok has always had issues with spaces that have poor acoustics - swimming pools, photographer studios, bathrooms and the like - he used to be absolutely TERRIFIED of bath time, it was always an epic battle that involved lots of tears (his and mine).
Over the last couple of years we have persevered and he is now able to cope with bath time (as long as we don't wash his hair) and he'll stay in the bathroom when the shower is turned on (but won't go anywhere near it).
Towards th
e end of last year we went on holiday and I made it my mission to get Tok into the paddling pool.
Everyday we all traipsed down to the pool, the siblings would merrily launch themselves into the deep end, throw themselves down the slide and generally enjoy themselves.
Tok would stare, tremble a little and keep asking to "go home". Bit by bit (sounds like my SALT training) we got closer and closer to the pool. Lots of comfort, lots of reassurance, sitting on the edge, dipping our toes in, getting used to the "pool" concept. On the last day of our holiday, SUCCESS! We went into the paddling pool, he was somewhat nervous at first but within minutes merrily splashing around and going down the toddler water slide - talk about from zero to hero! That's Tok all over though, it might take him a while but when he "get's it" he is off!
That was last year, this Easter break one of his siblings is having swimming lessons everyday. It's been a few months since that one and only time he's been in a pool and you could have blown me away when, whilst watching us get ready for the lesson, he announced "I want to go splish splash whoosh swimming".
Suffice to say, he only lasted 45 seconds with the instructor and I had to take him out as he was disrupting the class somewhat, but the next day he went back and lasted around 3 minutes - he walked the entire width of the junior pool (the instructor got him to run to mummy *cunning*). Yesterday I went in the pool with him and for half an hour we had a fabulous time throwing toys around, and I slowly tempted him deeper and deeper (bit by bit again) into the pool and made it all the way to his belly button. Can't wait to see what we will achieve today!
It's challenging at times, but there is no greater prize than your efforts being rewarded with your child adding to their repertoire of abilities, language, knowledge and social skills.
-- Mum of Tok
Over the last couple of years we have persevered and he is now able to cope with bath time (as long as we don't wash his hair) and he'll stay in the bathroom when the shower is turned on (but won't go anywhere near it).
Towards th
e end of last year we went on holiday and I made it my mission to get Tok into the paddling pool.Everyday we all traipsed down to the pool, the siblings would merrily launch themselves into the deep end, throw themselves down the slide and generally enjoy themselves.
Tok would stare, tremble a little and keep asking to "go home". Bit by bit (sounds like my SALT training) we got closer and closer to the pool. Lots of comfort, lots of reassurance, sitting on the edge, dipping our toes in, getting used to the "pool" concept. On the last day of our holiday, SUCCESS! We went into the paddling pool, he was somewhat nervous at first but within minutes merrily splashing around and going down the toddler water slide - talk about from zero to hero! That's Tok all over though, it might take him a while but when he "get's it" he is off!
That was last year, this Easter break one of his siblings is having swimming lessons everyday. It's been a few months since that one and only time he's been in a pool and you could have blown me away when, whilst watching us get ready for the lesson, he announced "I want to go splish splash whoosh swimming".
Suffice to say, he only lasted 45 seconds with the instructor and I had to take him out as he was disrupting the class somewhat, but the next day he went back and lasted around 3 minutes - he walked the entire width of the junior pool (the instructor got him to run to mummy *cunning*). Yesterday I went in the pool with him and for half an hour we had a fabulous time throwing toys around, and I slowly tempted him deeper and deeper (bit by bit again) into the pool and made it all the way to his belly button. Can't wait to see what we will achieve today!
It's challenging at times, but there is no greater prize than your efforts being rewarded with your child adding to their repertoire of abilities, language, knowledge and social skills.
-- Mum of Tok
Monday 7 March 2011
Back away from the professionals Mum...
Mum has been running herself ragged the past few weeks, getting really rather irate about the fact that no-one seems to be setting any targets or working towards my IEP (Individual Education Plan).
She's got a busy week with me this week, we are off to a special hearing clinic - we tried the traditional methods of testing my hearing but I can hardly be expected to understand the "Raise your hand when you hear the beep" instructions. Not just because of my autism but also because I am only 4! So we have a fun few hours locked in a room with a very nice lady who specialises in working with kids like me.
We also have a follow up appointment at a CDAC (Communication Disorder Assessment Clinic), hence the reason Mum has been hassling the education and health professionals even more than she normally does!
Imagine her embarrassment when she got a call from my school, essentially asking her to "Chillax", there was never any intention of me having an IEP or any targets in place until after Easter. These first few weeks are all about getting me settled before the real work begins.
I think Mum would have appreciated someone letting her know before now....
-- Tok (via Mum of Tok)
She's got a busy week with me this week, we are off to a special hearing clinic - we tried the traditional methods of testing my hearing but I can hardly be expected to understand the "Raise your hand when you hear the beep" instructions. Not just because of my autism but also because I am only 4! So we have a fun few hours locked in a room with a very nice lady who specialises in working with kids like me.
We also have a follow up appointment at a CDAC (Communication Disorder Assessment Clinic), hence the reason Mum has been hassling the education and health professionals even more than she normally does!
Imagine her embarrassment when she got a call from my school, essentially asking her to "Chillax", there was never any intention of me having an IEP or any targets in place until after Easter. These first few weeks are all about getting me settled before the real work begins.
I think Mum would have appreciated someone letting her know before now....
-- Tok (via Mum of Tok)
Sunday 16 January 2011
Give me a reason
We are now in week 2 of a 10 week Hanen Centre programme (more details here) which provides parents of children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and related social communication difficulties, practical tools to help their children communicate.
I have to say it has been VERY informative but of all the things we have discussed so far, the piece of information I have passed on to everyone that deals with our boy is "give him a reason to talk". Put obstacles in his way to encourage him to speak in order to get what he wants.
So: Don't give him a drink just because you 'know' he is thirsty. Stop leaving the computer turned on so he can access it whenever he wants. Put his favorite book on the top shelf. Move the yogurts to the top shelf of the fridge.
Leverage is the key to communication, make him ASK.
Obvious when you think about it, but often the very greatest ideas are the simple ones...
-- Mum of Tok
I have to say it has been VERY informative but of all the things we have discussed so far, the piece of information I have passed on to everyone that deals with our boy is "give him a reason to talk". Put obstacles in his way to encourage him to speak in order to get what he wants.
So: Don't give him a drink just because you 'know' he is thirsty. Stop leaving the computer turned on so he can access it whenever he wants. Put his favorite book on the top shelf. Move the yogurts to the top shelf of the fridge.
Leverage is the key to communication, make him ASK.
Obvious when you think about it, but often the very greatest ideas are the simple ones...
-- Mum of Tok
Tuesday 11 January 2011
School Daze
[I am delighted to introduce a new writer to the blog - Tok's Mum! -Ed]
So, after weeks of preparation, the "big day" finally arrived. Our littlest chap started his first day at school. All the checks had been done:
Ummm, how about the fact that his new teacher was actually one of two (a job share) and that neither of them had received his file. I kid you not.
Luckily for our little chap, if there is one good thing that has come out of the last few months it's the fact that Mummy has learnt to take NOTHING for granted. A very dear friend advised us to "be a nuisance" as it was one of the only ways to get things done and this has become kind of ingrained in any dealings with the authorities.
His first day consisted of two hours in the afternoon so I "popped" into the office in the morning to ask if I could have a chat with the classroom teacher or the head teacher, just a quick catch up before his first session.... Which is when I found out that his file hadn't been passed over - it was still in the envelope I had hand delivered it in.
You can imagine how mightily unimpressed I was with this news.
When presented challenges you have to face them head on and figure out how best to deal with the situation. So, I took the file up to his new classroom and sat down for half an hour with his (Monday to Wednesday) teacher. In fairness, she asked some good questions and as time was short I encouraged her to read the "all about me" overview as this would be the best tool for her to use in the early days of her time with him.
I asked her to set up a home-school diary, she readily agreed to do this stating that it wouldn't be written in everyday, just if there was an incident to report... I'm happy to say that once I clarified that due to his main issue being one of COMMUNICATION I was looking for them to log things which I could then use as tools to facilitate communication at home and encourage him to recount his day i.e. a book they have read, an activity they did, a song they sang etc.
So, whilst not at all happy with the situation, I was at least confident that our boy would walk into an understanding environment.
As it happens, this wasn't the case, but luckily for them a fabulous little girl from his nursery (who has been somewhat motherly towards him since they first met) also joined and she very firmly took him by the hand and forcefully led him into their first session. I will be forever grateful to her.
My next course of action was thus:
But I'll still be keeping my appointments at the school, and will most likely be making a lot more inquiries than I would had this situation not arisen, the school has a duty of care to every child it teaches and I will be giving them a LOT of support and encouragement when it comes to mine.
One of my friends said "He's lucky to have you fighting his corner", I don't look at it as a fight, I think it's more like a journey. He's a tourist and I'm the tour guide responsible for showing him the sights, sounds and customs of this foreign culture he's found himself living in.
--Mum of Tok
So, after weeks of preparation, the "big day" finally arrived. Our littlest chap started his first day at school. All the checks had been done:
- His new school had received the all important handover file from Nursery before Christmas, this included his Individual Education Plan, progress to date, an "all about me" summary sheet - everything you could possibly want to know about him.
- We'd been looking at pictures of the new school and using these to ensure he understood he wouldn't be going to nursery anymore.
- We'd been practicing saying "Good Morning Mrs (new teachers name)"
- His uniform had been purchased and clearly named.
- Everyone had been speaking positively about his move to "big school".
Ummm, how about the fact that his new teacher was actually one of two (a job share) and that neither of them had received his file. I kid you not.
Luckily for our little chap, if there is one good thing that has come out of the last few months it's the fact that Mummy has learnt to take NOTHING for granted. A very dear friend advised us to "be a nuisance" as it was one of the only ways to get things done and this has become kind of ingrained in any dealings with the authorities.
His first day consisted of two hours in the afternoon so I "popped" into the office in the morning to ask if I could have a chat with the classroom teacher or the head teacher, just a quick catch up before his first session.... Which is when I found out that his file hadn't been passed over - it was still in the envelope I had hand delivered it in.
You can imagine how mightily unimpressed I was with this news.
When presented challenges you have to face them head on and figure out how best to deal with the situation. So, I took the file up to his new classroom and sat down for half an hour with his (Monday to Wednesday) teacher. In fairness, she asked some good questions and as time was short I encouraged her to read the "all about me" overview as this would be the best tool for her to use in the early days of her time with him.
I asked her to set up a home-school diary, she readily agreed to do this stating that it wouldn't be written in everyday, just if there was an incident to report... I'm happy to say that once I clarified that due to his main issue being one of COMMUNICATION I was looking for them to log things which I could then use as tools to facilitate communication at home and encourage him to recount his day i.e. a book they have read, an activity they did, a song they sang etc.
So, whilst not at all happy with the situation, I was at least confident that our boy would walk into an understanding environment.
As it happens, this wasn't the case, but luckily for them a fabulous little girl from his nursery (who has been somewhat motherly towards him since they first met) also joined and she very firmly took him by the hand and forcefully led him into their first session. I will be forever grateful to her.
My next course of action was thus:
- booked an appointment with the School SENCO
- called the SALT to explain the situation and ask her to be mindful of the fact there are two teachers involved in his case
- called the area special needs teacher requesting she get into the school PDQ
- booked an appointment to see the Thursday-Friday teacher
But I'll still be keeping my appointments at the school, and will most likely be making a lot more inquiries than I would had this situation not arisen, the school has a duty of care to every child it teaches and I will be giving them a LOT of support and encouragement when it comes to mine.
One of my friends said "He's lucky to have you fighting his corner", I don't look at it as a fight, I think it's more like a journey. He's a tourist and I'm the tour guide responsible for showing him the sights, sounds and customs of this foreign culture he's found himself living in.
--Mum of Tok
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
