I wrote a post about the SALT (speech therapist) visits to The Montessori. One about the meeting with the SENCO (special educational needs co-ordinator). I wrote a lot about that but just couldn't get to the end. Same story when the Early Years Action Group got involved and when everything finally came together under MAPS (multi-something something service, I have acronym overload right now and I'm too tired to Google it).
The reason I can't get to the end is because at the end of each post I have to acknowledge something. Something I don't want to acknowledge. I don't think Tokoroth is autistic. The pediatrician didn't think he was autisitic. The whatever-the-hell-the-acronym of the last person to assess him at home last week (I blogged about too, nearly) doesn't think he's autistic. Autistic traits, sure. Buckets of those. But not, they say, we think, Autistic.
You may remember I worried about this before. I know he doesn't have Aspergers. I know he doesn't have full hell-for-leather 'Classic' autism because you don't have to be particularly well read in the subject to make an informal diagnosis for either of those. I was hoping for whatever the ICD equivalent of PDD-NOS is which, to the layperson, is, simply put, an Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'd live with that. No, actually, I'd cheer for that, because it means it isn't the thing I fear. The thing I worry about.
I've just been hiding my head in the sand, refusing to engage and generally being a bit of a twat if I'm being honest. I went out with him on his own the other weekend and we had an amazing time.
Tokoroth out with me eating falafels and houmous in N16
His, and our, quality of life is high, different and challenging, but high. He's my son and I love him and he is also a great footstool and pillow but, as a parent, knowing what is wrong is a very important part of the psychological jig-saw. If it is *that* I will cope. Just for now I'm hiding from it. But not for much longer.
Did I mention, the CDAC is here? This is THE multi-disciplinary assessment where the SALT, the SENCO, MAPS, and any other TLAs that wish to attend, along with the pediatrician and the consultant pediatrician compare notes and perform (more) comprehensive assessments and the eventual outcome of which is THE LABEL. Technically this is referred to as 'The Diagnosis' but it might just as well be called The Label and it might yet be dependent on further tests to rule in (or out) the worrying thing.
The CDAC is here. Well, it's not far away and I'm exceptionally nervous. Did I ever mention that I was a worrier?
