/End Hiatus

Why haven't I written anything for ages? Good question. I set a bit of a precedent with the Space Shuttle post and sometimes I think I should just delete everything but that post and be done. That's what happens when your OCD and ADHD have a fight with your ASD (actually I'm probably, if anything, BAP but more on that later).

Lot's of things have stopped me writing. Mostly fear. Fear of the known and fear of the unknown. I have gone through a strange period of denial where I have started to think, or blindly hope, that The Tokoroth does not have anything wrong with him. This is because as a parent I have to consider a number of possible outcomes about the severity of his disorder. No matter which way the dice rolls it's likely he's going to end up with a Statement of Special Needs. At best he'll be a in a regular school but he'll be 'different'. Different kids get bullied. Fact. Autistic kids get bullied. Fact. Some of them can't even verbalise this enough to tell their parents or carers. All of a sudden I'm sad and scared.

This kid is beautiful, I love him, he's my son. If someone bullies him they really aren't going to want to meet me, even on a good day. But we aren't there yet. It might not happen. He might not even have a disorder, right? Hmmm.

The reason for radio silence for a while was because 'Mum' was away for a week in Barbados and I had a week off work looking after Home and Rugrats. In this time I spent a lot of one on one time with Tokoroth and built-up the strongest relationship I have had with him. In so many ways he is bright and funny that I started to do a "Oh yes he is, Oh no he isn't" dance in my head, one day thinking he was off the chart autistic and the next thinking he was absolutely-fine-just-a-bit-of-a-late-developer.

In fact if you use a Homer Simpson voice and say "he is, no he isn't, autistic, not autistic, yes he is, no he isn't, oh look a dog with two tails, wheeee!" you've pretty much nailed my current mental state.